It must be the fag end on summer as the weather is changing, the kids are going back to school and Celebrity Big Brother (CBB) is back on our screens.  Last year we looked at the whole rise and fall of the Big Brother franchises, but this year’s CBB looks as though it could be genuinely interesting.  Love Island seems to have reignited the nations interested in gawping at people confined in a luxury villa/house and there seems to be more of appetite for CBB this summer.

Last night we saw an interesting combination of Hollywood stars, soap stars, reality stars and…well freaks, entering the house.  This is the Shouting at the Telly’s Guide to the runners and riders.

Kirsty “Cheers” Alley

 

Probably the only genuine Hollywood star in the house. She famously has eating/weight issues, so it will be interesting to see how she copes.  She has to be a favourite to win.  Come on, everyone knows her name (sorry, bad Cheers reference)

 

Roxanne “call me Roxy” Pallet

 

Famed for being in Emmerdale, that soap star singing thing and crashing stock cars.  She entered the house obsessively cleaning her top, or performing some strange chest rubbing good luck ritual.  She is, shall we say…full on.  Lovely, but barking.  Like a Yorkshire Terrier.

 

Dan “Interesting” Osbourne

 

Former TOWIE star, husband of Jaqueline Jossa (just had to Googled her.  Still none the wiser).   Might struggle to make in impression amongst this lot

 

Ben “I’ll marry anyone” Jardine

 

Shot to fame on Channel 4’s Married at First Sight by demonstrating his amazing skill at marrying people who he had just met.  Slightly hyperactive but could be fun.

 

Rodrigo “House of Wax” Alves

 

Dubbed the “Human Ken Doll” due to the vast amounts of surgery he has had done, he actually looks more like a cross between Rhydian Roberts and a Thunderbird puppet.  We think he will do well as nothing can wipe that smile of his face.  Literally nothing.  He has no movement in his face.  Hopefully he will stay away from any naked flames.

 

Jermaine “just call me George Michael” Pennant

 

Convicted drunk driver who can also kick a pig’s bladder full of air around a park.  Has been known to sport a nice line in ankle bracelets in his time as well.

 

Sally “I’ll never get sick of the “my knickers say I’m a medium gag”” Morgan

 

Known as “Psychic Sally” she was disgraced when it was revealed that the spirits may actually have been talking to her via an ear piece.  She then went on to lose loads of weight, and the public loves a good weight loss story (see Kirstie Alley) so the British public has forgiven her for defrauding thousands of gullible victims in the past.  Could be the “Kookie” one in the house.   She needs to be at least the 5th person to be evicted to beat her psychic nemesis Derek Acorah from last year’s CBB

 

Ryan “Nice Guy” Thomas

 

We said it with Barry from Eastenders last year (and got it woefully wrong) but nice guys generally do well in these shows and he seems a nice guy.   Bookies favourite.

 

Chloe “Fancy a few days away in Italy” Ayling

 

Glamour model who was kidnapped, then released, then no one believed that she wasn’t in on the kidnapping, then her kidnappers got sent to prison, then she ended up on CBB.  (If she was in on the kidnapping, then she is fierce.  Watch your backs in that house celebs!)  If she is innocent (which being decent people, we are assuming she is) you get the feeling she is the honey trap set to see how many male heads she can turn.

 

Gabby “available for any reality shows over the summer” Allen

 

Took the much underrated 4th place in Love Island a few years ago.   Alleged to have had an affair with interesting Dan.  She forget to put her blouse on her when entered the house last night.

 

Hardeep “I’m more than just a pink turban” Singh Kholi

 

Radio 4 favourite and ex One Show reporter, Hardeep is the Iain Lee of the camp.  Super intelligent, very funny, but with a bit of an ego.  Guaranteed to rub people up the wrong way and get booted out early…or win.  Could go either way.

 

Natalie “Whooooo?” Nunn

 

American reality star from Bad Girls Club (no idea) who seems to have a right gob on her which presumably makes up her for her lack of foundation garments.

 

Nick “lend us tenner” Neeson

 

Has form at being stuck in confined spaces i.e. prison.  We literally know nothing about this man’s personality so who knows how he will fare.

 

 

It was noticeable how all of this year’s introductory VT’s focused on some personal disaster in the celebrity’s life.  The producers would never think of using that in some way, would they? I mean they would never give Kirsty an eating challenge or kidnap Amy would they?  Oh they would…ok.

Well I think I can say goodbye to Newsnight for the next few weeks.  I’m on this CBB train all the way to the leaves falling off the trees.

Celebrity Big Brother is on each night on Channel 5 and is also available on my5

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